We lost another Angel. We were due in July

I must say with life you never know what to expect. The month started on a great note. Life was going very well and we felt on top of the world. I was pregnant again and we were so exited! We were due in July. We thought the odds of loosing another baby would be so slim. All the signs were good. I was sick all the time and things were progressing correctly. We were waiting for christmas to announce the pregnancy because we wanted the first trimester to be over. 2 weeks shy of christmas we found ourselves in a hospital room dazed. It happened so fast. On tuesday the 8th I felt something was wrong and went to the ER to get myself checked. I just didn't feel right. After 5 hours I went home on bedrest. Two days later I woke up at 4:00am throwing up. Tatt was worried, but I told him to go to work. By 10:30 I had thrown up 4 times, had massive diarrhea and could no longer move myself. I called for help and my mom was by my side. I called tatt and told him to go to the hospital and meet me there. My mom called the ambulance by this time because according to her I wasn't moving, my lips were purple and I was ghost white. The pain level was at a 9 for me I could barely breathe. I seriously thought I was dying. The paramedics got to our house and performed all kinds of things. I really don't remember it all. I just kept screaming for pain killers. My mom said by the time they got me to the ambulance i was no longer moving or making any noise. On the ride to the hospital they tried multiple times to get an iv in me, but my veins didn't allow it. Tatton beat us to the hospital, but i didn't even know he was there. He said when he saw me he thought i was dead. They got me in the hospital and would not allow tatt or my mom back for what they said was 45 minutes. They were trying to get an iv and blood drawn, but couldn't. Finally at 1:30 they administered pain medication for me. Tatt and my mom were allowed in. All I remember was being so thirsty. At this point I had gone to the bathroom and thrown up so many times I had nothing left in me. And I couldn't drink any water for fear of me throwing up again. They did a bunch of blood work. (i had 8 needle attempts on my left arm and 6 on my right) They took me for ultrasounds and then proceeded to give us the bad news. We lost the baby. Then the second bad news, overnight stay and possibility of surgery. I didn't want it and prayed it didn't have to happen. It was now almost 8pm and I was so exhausted I just wanted to go home, drink and eat something and be with my family. I was very lucky and my doctors and my gyno (who came to the hospital to check on me) all said I could go home. We were relieved. On the way home the reality set in, we lost another baby. In one year,we lost 2 babies. Our due date was in July. It was hard to swallow. The next morning, I made a choice. I was not going to be the same girl I was last time. This time I was going to make myself proud. No pitty party, no depression.
Yes, this miscarriage was way more painful and dangerous than the first, Yes when I think about that day I still hurt from all the pain. (I am still dealing with immense pain) but emotionally, I am actually doing well for myself because I understand. I understand there is nothing you can do, It is not in your power, it is not in your hands. It is in the Saviors hands. And HE knows best. Tatt and I are much stronger people now than we were 9 months ago when it happened the first time. We understand there is a purpose to everything. Life is so short and we can't spend it mourning the things which we have no control over. Of course we wish we were still pregnant, and of course we want a baby and to be parents. But we cannot allow the sorrow to destroy the joy's we do have. We will press forward, stay strong and try again when the time is right. We will be going to specialists and we will someday soon have that family we have always wanted.For now I will look back on some of the pictures we took while our little miracle was with us.